i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
