i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
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I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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