If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
try to milk me bitch
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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