Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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