I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I will pee on everything he values.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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