I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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