I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
