So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
