omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
