Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
