My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
