she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
then he tried to convert me to islam
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
