matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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