Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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