I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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