we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
