I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
