btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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