Don't you send me to vm
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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