i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
