So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
