i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
