I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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