Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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