awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
