How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
