We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
