I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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