It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
