thus making me awesome and them whores
Say something about gay babies.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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