so that wasnt chicken after all
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
