When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
