i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Randomize
