I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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