Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize