I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
