I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
high people should be assigned attendants
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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