Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
