saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
and i looked up. we had an audience...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
