Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
