I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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