hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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