He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
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Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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