You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
