wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
