Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
