Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
