i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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