I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
