There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
