guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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