so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just found puke in my bra..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
