okay pat passed out under dana's car
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
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I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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