Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
