Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
