While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
