Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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