Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
