The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
