You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
