if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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