I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
