I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
