He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
