for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
