Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
