Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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