I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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