imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
