garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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